The President Did What?!

“Ewwww. What’s this?” One of my kids ask with a look of disgust on his face.

“That’s your new vitamin,” I explain.

“What happened to our old vitamin?”

“Ask the President.”

“Why can’t we have our old vitamin?”

“Well, your old vitamin used to cost about $10. Now it costs about $50.”

“Why?”

“Well, the President wanted to help one part of the country.  But in order for him to do that he decided that he would hurt a another big part of the country.”

“Why didn’t he just try and help everybody?”

“Excellent question.”

“Well why?”

“Nobody seems to know.  Including the President.”

“And he lied about it.”

“The President lied?!”

“The President lied.”

“But can’t he get arrested?”

For what?  For being a politician?

No I didn’t tell my kids that!  My son is very into Presidential history.  His favorite president is Abraham Lincoln.  You think I am going to tell him that in these times we live in a lying politician is just another politician?

So what will my kids take away from this Presidential administration?  That the President is responsible for their yucky new vitamins.

In other healthcare related issues in my life:

I haven’t had an Ambien in like two weeks.

So three kids, two snow days and tons and tons of snow…well you do the math.

Back when I was in college, I had a particularly challenging roommate – well two if you count her boyfriend.  Their desire to be with one another did not exactly do well for my insomnia.

So like any good mother, mine sent me bottles of Melatonin.  It was the new thing, to regulate one’s circadian rhythms – and ultimately lead to restful nights.  People swore  by it.  Though I am unclear to what they swore.  That it didn’t work?  Because for me, I could have just as easily downed a Flinstone vitamin with Barney Rubble’s likeness etched into it and enjoyed similar effects.  And it would have tasted way better.

Tylenol PMs were also in my sleeping arsenal and sometimes they even worked.  Except they worked all day too.

Not to my credit, but I don’t exactly roam the aisles of Whole Foods searching for dietary supplements to cure all that ails me.

But now I was desperate so I paid a visit to my local vitamin/health food store in search of the latest homeopathic sleep trend: Tryptophan pills.  Think long turkey dinners that induce dreamy poultry-laden stupors. I’ll bite, I thought (no pun intended – okay maybe a little pun intended).

“Do you have those tryptophan pills I’ve been hearing about?” I ask the salesperson who seemed to young to really understand the  no sleep/kids/snow days combo.

“I have something called Knockout.”

“Oooh.  That sounds great.  I ran out of my Ambien.”

“So you’re trying to get off Ambien because this stuff really helps.”

“No. No. Who said anything about wanting to get off Ambien.  I just need something to tide me over until my doctor calls  in my prescription after I go see her.”

Was this kid bananas or something?  Get off Ambien?  Hello?

“Well this has Valerian and melatonin and…”  he blathers on an on.

“Melatonin doesn’t work for me.”

Seeing he’s about to lose me he downplays the melatonin’s role in the pill.

“But it’s  the Theanine and Valerian that releases the hormone…”

Whatever, I thought. I had nothing to lose.

The verdict?  Well It’s entirely possible that it does work.  I have been sleeping at night, though to be fair, I don’t know if it’s out of sheer exhaustion.