Usually when I’m staring down the great big stainless steel of an abyss that houses my dirty dishes I will look for a hundred and one other things to do instead. Today is no exception.
So I’ve decided to procrastinate my dish-washing by thinking about my kitchen floor.
Wait…Bear with me.
A few years ago it was time to replace the kitchen floor. The glue on the tiles was losing it’s capacity to stick so that every time I passed through the kitchen I would ultimately pick up another tile and inadvertently kick it into my family room. I would then put the displaced tile in the cabinet underneath the kitchen sink with the rest of the tiles that I had steadily amassed.
After some poor decisions involving an alleged interior designer who after two years has failed to live up to her end of the invoice and an alleged handyman who is and was anything but, we got a new and highly imperfect kitchen floor.
Back then I frequented various home improvement stores and looked at countless samples of stone, marble, wood, engineered…you name it. Besides that certain look that I wanted, there was another quality to this floor that I had to have: It had to be easy to clean.
At the urging of the would-be designer, I went to a place that specialized in tile and settled on a grey 12″x24″ tile that apparently went with everything else in the kitchen – including the dirty dishes in the sink.
“It is sooooo easy to clean,” the saleslady assured me as the order was being processed. A peculiar statement coming from a highly-maintained and surgically altered woman who probably couldn’t locate the mop in her own house.
“And it’s much thicker than the tiles you can get at the bigger chain stores,” Ding-dong designer added.
But so what?, I wondered. If it’s a centimeter less in thickness does that mean I can’t walk on it? I think Home Depot needs to weigh in on this seemingly raging debate.
And now as I sit on the floor with spray bleach and a toothbrush and a giant roll of paper towels , I’ve resolved never to do the following:
1. Work with anybody who calls themselves an interior designer (actually, I already resolved that two years ago).
2. Take cleaning advice from a woman who likely doesn’t know the difference between Tide and Swiffer.